" What if?"

 

"Normal"

An adjective used by boring people to make themselves feel better

Urban Dictionary

Well my first sign that things are really returning to normal this week happened. I had to pluck a hair off my nipple, I am happy to report. No surgery nor chemo can keep me from being the hair beast that I am.  I was worried that my breast would not return to somewhat normal after a second mastectomy but have no fear.  There is nothing that makes you wanna sing " I feel like a woman" more than standing in front of a mirror plucking hair out of your boob. I would like to thank my parents for the strong propensity to have lots of body hair and especially in places one would rather not such as the above mentioned area. Now I know that some of you are saying to yourselves " yup been there, done that. I will take solace in knowing that I am returning to the fold. 

While some things return to normal, there is one thing that has changed. My  greatest fear is that it will be permanent. I can't believe that something I held so dear could be taken away from me. As I  prepare to say it I get a small lump in the back of my throat. After several attempts I am realising that my ability to drink red wine has diminished.  I feel a tear welling, I love red wine. Always done with moderation but with immense enjoyment. My body has decided I can't really tolerate it at present. My hope is that this is a temporary moment of insanity for my body and that time and healing will reverse such an awful side effect. Please keep me in your prayers.

After many months of little of no activity and walking the length of myself was about all I could do, I knew I needed to get moving. As anybody who knows me knows that exercise and Sondria usually are not in the same sentence. I know after all I have been through that this had to change. I had been asked if I would like to join the Avalon Dragons, dragon boat team in there winter training. I am happy to report that I have gone two whole weeks in a row. A wonderful group of women full of joy and a real sense of community. Once again I realise that I could be sitting at home waiting for life to happen, or I could get out there and make it happen. Through my whole illness I realised that sickness can happen but you still are the captain of you life. You steer the ship. I can have everything or I can have nothing, its up to me. My life is happening, so now I have to live it. I can't wait for others to make me whole or happy.

I also got to attend the book launch for Phil Carpenters book " Breast Stories" featuring women across Canada who had their portraits taken by Phil. There were local women who were featured and were at the launch. It was both moving and empowering. I was grateful to be there.

I officially signed up for a clinical trial at the cancer clinic. Another pill for another five years but if the outcomes from this study does not benefit me maybe someone else will benefit down the road. I figure I got nothing to lose anymore by taking chances. I watched the following video this week and it made me pause. As my armour of the last months begins to melt away I am left with my new reality and this gives me reason to reflect about how I continue from here. I feel vulnerable but in turn maybe that opens me to  knowledge and change. I would like to share it with you as I hope it makes you stop and think about your life if that is what you need.